Keep the Old, Seek the New

Chag Sameach, everyone. Happy 5th day of Pesach. I hope everyone is having an easy week, spending time with family, drinking lots of water, eating roughage, and keeping your egg intake to somewhere below the "ridiculous" level. My 12-year old son went shopping with me before our first night seder, and his jaw dropped when I put four dozen eggs in the cart. "The scary thing," I told him, "is that I worry these might not actually last the week." Never mind you Christians and your egg hunts this weekend. We've got hard boiled eggs, egg salads, cakes with a few eggs, cakes with lots of eggs, matzah ball soup, matzah brie, and kugel. The only thing we don't have is chemical colors, like Paas, although I'm thinking of doing something verrrry interesting with the matzahball soup next year.

Pesach is a time of rebirth, a celebration of Spring, so I think it important to remind everyone of the theme of renewal. Yes, yes, we all know about the theme of freedom and all that. However, I don't think we spend enough time thinking about the year to come. On Pesach, we clean up the house, clean up our pantry, clean out our intestines. OK, sorry about that last one. But the point is, now is when we take that moment to stop, refresh, reassess, reevaluate, and rejuvenate.

However, Pesach is all about balance...balance of the old and the new. Pesach is about tradition. The very idea of the seder is a retelling of a story thousands of years old, using a format hundreds of years old, using family traditions decades old. We end our seder with the line, "Next Year in Jerusalem," a statement that is not only religious and political, but also temporal. We might as well say, "Look ahead!"

So, this Pesach, look for some new traditions and recipes to complement the age old...and then establish them as your old traditions. For example, every year, our seder MUST serve a walnut-egg mock chopped liver, vegetarian matzah ball soup, and a Sephardic orange-date charoset. These are certainly not part of my upbringing, but my wife and I have done this for so long that they are now "old family traditions," and to break them would be messing with "shalom bayit" (peace in the house). And I wouldn't want to do that.

A couple of years ago, we incorporated an Iranian/Afghani/Italian custom of beating each other with green onions while singing Dayenu. No, Mom, I am not making this up. The kids love this tradition, because when else do I allow them to smack each other with food while singing? Now, I must preserve this tradition for all eternity or face a breach in shalom bayit. And who would want that?

Of course, old traditions are always new to someone, so I feel it is incumbent upon us to introduce our religion and traditions to those, Jewish or non-Jewish, who may not have experienced them. We invited a non-Jewish family to our seder; the mother was trying to introduce her three young children to the breadth and depth of ethnic traditions throughout the world. After all the singing, the Hebrew, the symbolism, the meal, the afikomen hunt resulting in 3 gold dollar coins, her 6-year old son reported to his mother his favorite part of the evening. "We got to hit people with food!"

Final note: The seder plate in the picture was made for us a decade ago by our friend Meg Levine, a wonderful ceramicist and graphic artist. Meg, if you're out there, thank you. We are still using your plate every year. We both insist on it, which is a good thing because it maintains shalom bayit. And we are all about that.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians - The Literature Thief

I finally saw the movie Percy Jackson and the Olympians - The Lightning Thief this afternoon. I must say that I found the movie fun, entertaining, exciting, amusing, and, unfortunately, entirely forgettable. Shame about that, especially since I have become a big fan of the Percy Jackson books by Rick Riordan.

My oldest son (who, like Percy in the first book, is 12) is also a big fan, and he complained bitterly that the filmmakers ruined the movie. Well, I'm not sure I'd go that far. However, I will say that if you have seen the movie and you have not read the books, go read the books. They are COMPLETELY separate entities.

The books feel like an American response to the Harry Potter series (full disclosure: I'm also a big fan of that as well). To fully appreciate the books, it helps to have an understanding of U.S. culture, similar to how having a knowledge of the British school system creates a certain background understanding of Hogwarts. For example, if you have never been to a U.S. summer camp, you won't fully appreciate demigods playing capture the flag with real swords and shields. If you haven't lived through the all the news stories, pharmacological treatments, champions, and skeptics of ADHD, you won't full appreciate the idea that ADHD is an unfortunate side effect of a demigod's battle-ready senses. And if you haven't read The Catcher in the Rye or seen the movie Rebel Without a Cause, you might not appreciate the culture of teen angst that, although integral to ALL teen literature, has its own particular personality and flavor in the U.S.

But I digress. My son thinks they ruined the movie by completely diverging from the book. I have to admit that it's difficult for me, a jaded 41-year old who has seen his favorite literature mangled and twisted in the movie theatre over and over and over again, to disagree with him. Obviously, Rick Riordan did not have the creative control over this movie that J.K. Rowling maintained over hers. Much of what pushed the books beyond remaining forgettable page-turner literature was lost in the movie. The movie lacks the books ironic twists. I was mildly amused to find out that Mount Olympus is in the top of the Empire State Building, but I laughed out loud to find out (in the book) that the door to Hades was a recording studio in L.A. And the scene with Charon in the book was much, much, much funnier than the scene in the movie.

Not only that, but Riordan's understanding of adolescent awkwardness is pretty much spot on. Somethings never change from generation to generation.

So, sure. Go see the movie as a matinee. The special effects are decent, albeit not exemplary. The banter between Percy, Annabeth, and Grover is moderately clever (although I felt the movie spent too much time recreating Grover as the movie-standard "black" best friend side-kick instead of the "satyr" best friend side-kick). The romantic chemistry between Logan Lerman and Alexandra Daddario is reasonably satisfying. And I'll watch Catherine Keener in pretty much ANYTHING.

But then go back and read the book. And then read the next one. And then the next. What? Like you have anything really important going on at work this week?

Apologies

The editor of Wolfsong Diner would like to apologize to those of you who tried to leave comments on the blog and were thwarted by its restrictive security. I have since relaxed the security on the site so that it is possible to comment without setting up your own Google account. Please feel free to leave your comments, condemnations, and praise on the site. As long as the comments remain germane and genteel (good, bad, or ugly), I will encourage free and open discussion. Thank you for your patience.

King Ahasuerus's Midnight Band

Let’s be fair. I’m not a real musician.

Oh, I can sing pretty well, certainly well enough for our synagogue choir and well enough to have served as a lay cantor for a small congregation in Colorado about decade ago. Sure, I can read music, and once upon a time, I could play mellophone well enough to play second horn in the IU Marching Hundred. But I don’t have that enviable ability to pick up an instrument (or, in the case of a piano, sit down at an instrument) and lead the assembled throng in a rousing chorus of Flight of the Valkyries. Or Kumbaya. Nor do I have the ability to write a wildly creative song a week and publish it to the Web with full orchestral back-up, a la Jonathan Coulton.

However, having said all that, I have to tell you all...I wrote a song. This all stems from my yearly rant about Purim music; my annual complaint about the appalling lack of good holiday songs and albums. It is hard enough trying to find Chanukah music, but Purim music? Feh. Here we have a holiday ripe with intrigue, silliness, love, passion, hatred, violence, royalty, heroism, etc. And the best we can come up with is “Oh, today we’ll merry, merry be and nosh some hamantaschen.”

Retch.

So, I finally put my money where my mouth is and wrote a song for Purim. It follows my four cardinal rules for Chanukah songs modified slightly for Purim:

1. It should not retell the story of Purim.


2. It should not compare Purim to Mardi Gras.


3. It's sole purpose should not be to retread an old joke.


4. I should be able to listen to it in July without vomiting.

Is it a brilliant song, written with lyrical poetry, astute political commentary, and technically sound musicality? Probably not. But I think it’s kind of catchy, and it talks about King Ahasuerus’s week long party, a topic that has been sadly overlooked in most Purim songs. Besides, it uses every software trick in my Windows XP arsenal, which sadly, isn’t a whole lot. However, I would like to recommend a piece of freeware called MuseScore, which is an excellent musical notation software.

Herein lies my challenge to you all. I am releasing my song to the wilds of the Internet for any of you to cover. I am publishing it under the Winicur Music copyright, although since I don’t own a legal copyright on the name, it propably won’t do me much good in court. So, for now, I won’t require any royalties from you as long as you give the song an interesting treatment: reorchestration, a new lead vocalist, a snappy new video, or all three. I have written the lyrics below, and I will send you the notated music if you ask me politely. I do ask, however, that any use of this song properly reference me with the following attribution, “Wildly clever music and lyrics by Zev Winicur.”

Chag Sameach.


Click on the play button above to play the song.


King Ahasuerus’s Midnight Band

From India to Ethiopia
One hundred twenty-seven provinces
The Persian-Median sovereign
One hundred eighty days of promises

Come all you noblemen
Come all you common men
Come all you gentleman throughout the land
Come see the majesty
Come see the pageantry
King Ahasuerus’s Midnight Band

One week of partying
One week of reveling
One week of dancing in the desert sand
One week of gluttony
One week debauchery
King Ahasuerus’s Midnight Band

Persian nights are waiting
Stop procrastinating
Start anticipating
Stay a while

Wine is freely flowing
Golden treasures glowing
Dancing girls are showing
Off their smiles

Tables of golden plates
Tables of figs and dates
Tables of luscious grapes peeled by hand
Tables of jasmine rice
Tables of exotic spice
King Ahasuerus’s Midnight Band

Music with harmony
Music with symphony
Music with melodies free and planned
Music that celebrates
Music that syncopates
King Ahasuerus’s Midnight Band

Persian nights are waiting
Stop procrastinating
Start anticipating
Stay a while

Wine is freely flowing
Golden treasures glowing
Dancing girls are showing
Off their smiles

There's no waiting list
Be a hedonist
At King Ahasuerus’s Midnight Band!

Lemon Almond Scones

Enough with the ranting. It's time to get back into the holiday spirit. Here is an original recipe for lemon almond scones. I cut them into Star of David shapes to make them festive for Chanukah.

2 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 cup brown sugar

1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon salt

6 tablespoons unsalted butter, chilled

3 tablespoons powdered milk

6 tablespoons lemon juice

1 large egg

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/2 teaspoon almond extract

1 cup slivered almonds

1 egg mixed with 2 teaspoons of water

Preheat oven to 375 deg F.

In a large bowl, stir together the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. With a pastry blender, cut the butter into the flour mixture until it resembles coarse crumbs. In a small bowl, stir together the lemon juice, powdered milk, egg, vanilla extract, and almond extract. Add the milk mixture to the flour mixture.

Grease a baking sheet with oil or shortening. Sprinkle some flour on a sheet of waxed paper and spread out the dough on the paper. With a floured rolling pin, roll out the dough to 1/2 inch thickness. Using a biscuit cutter or a Star of David cookie cutter, cut out individual scones and place them on the baking sheet at least 2 inches from each other. Baste each scone with the egg mixture, and sprinkle almonds over each scone.

Bake for 10-12 minutes until they are lightly browned and slightly firm to the touch (or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean).

Remove the baking sheet to a wire rack and cool for 5 minutes. Using a spatula, transfer the scones to the wire rack to cool.

Makes about 20 small scones.

Annual Chanukah Rant

And now for my annual Chanukah rant.

Why are there so few quality commercial songs for Chanukah? For an industry long dominated by Jews, you would think we would have tossed ourselves a bone every now and then. I feel like the cobbler's children...never wearing good shoes because the cobbler sells all the good ones.

To be fair, percentage-wise there are very few quality Christmas songs as well. The difference is that Christmas has sheer volume on its side. For every 1000 pieces of Christina Aguilera/ Vanessa Hudgens/ Perry Como holiday treacle, the industry produces at least 10 pieces that you wouldn't mind hearing the other eleven months of the year, such as the Trans-Siberian Orchestra's Wizards in Winter (although even that has pretty much run itself into the ground).

I have four basic rules for judging the quality of commercial Chanukah music:

1. It should not retell the story of Chanukah.


2. It should not compare Chanukah to Christmas.


3. It's sole purpose should not be to retread an old joke.


4. I should be able to listen to it in July without vomiting.

For example, Adam Sandler's Chanukah Song violates rule #2 and comes close to violating rule #3. In fact, by now the song has been so overplayed, that it has become a joke of itself.

Mama Doni's song Chanukah Fever breaks rules #1, #2, and #4, although I might listen to it again just to hear the word "latkefied."

Chanukah in Santa Monica, an old song by Tom Lehrer, religously follows every one of the rules to the letter. It tells you absolutely nothing about Chanukah, It doesn't mention Christmas at all, it finds humor in geography rather than food, neuroses, or assimilation, and I still find it funny in July. Furthermore, any song that rhymes "Shavuos" with "St. Louis" is destined for greatness.

I am willing to bend some of these rules for music that is truly innovative, entertaining, or just plain different. For example, my pick for last year's Chanukah album of the year was definitely Erran Baron Cohen's Songs in the Key of Hanukkah. To quote his Website:

The record is indeed a collection of songs that brings the ancient music of Hanukkah kicking and screaming straight into the 21st Century.

The album is collaboration between Baron Cohen and an eclectic group of Jewish musicians ranging from Ladino singer Yasmin Levy to the black orthodox Jewish rapper Y-Love. My personal vote for the breakout song of the year was Yasmin Levy's Ocho Kandelikas who puts more passion into a single word than the rest of us put into our entire honeymoon. However, my family voted for Baron Cohen's own "Dreidel" which took what could have been simply another rehash of "I Had a Little Dreidel" and made it innovative, interesting, and very cool.

But that was last year. What is the breakout album or song for 2009/5770?

I personally am leaning toward Senator Orrin Hatch's Hanukkah Song. Hatch resides far, far outside my own political Zip code, but I love the idea of a Mormon U.S. senator writing the lyrics to a Chanukah song, putting the song to music by a Jewish woman who writes Christian songs in Nashville, and getting a Syrian-American woman from Terre Haute, Indiana to record it. I mean really...only in America.

I am also putting in a vote for Ocho Kandelikas by Hip Hop Hoodios because I am always willing to support a Jewish Latino Hip Hop group on novelty alone.

So, dear reader, I leave it to you. Who am I missing? What is the best new Chanukah song or album for 2009?

Happy Chanukah!

I was not ready for Chanukah.

I think I have finally caught up with the holiday now that we are well into the third night, but it really should not have taken me this long to wrap my brain around the 25th of Kislev. I mean, we have been well into December for almost two weeks now, and I should have been marking off the days with my own Jewish version of an Advent calendar.

Excecpt that I didn't. Maybe my subconscious was rebelling against the over-hyping of the December holiday season, and I was trying to place the holiday in its proper medium-grade cultural and religious context by reducing my anticipation. Or perhaps my brain was focusing on the imagery of the final night with all the candles burning bright instead of the first night with its scintilla of illumination. Or maybe I just haven't been getting enough sleep these days.

To make matters worse, we can't find all of our best Chanukiot (Chanukah menorahs), and we are relegated to a palsley two. I have until the end of the holiday to find the rest of the chanukiot so we can appropriately celebrate what I lovingly refer to as, "The Fire Hazard Night."

Thankfully, the holiday lasts eight nights, which gives me time to catch up. I've already made latkes and sufganiyot. I've already played dreidel with my kindergarten students. I've already watched my children open up two nights of presents. I think I've caught up to the holiday.

All I need now is a small paper fire on the mantel, and the holiday will be completely kosher.