I'm Gonna Drink

Happy Purim! Chag Sameach!

It's time again for my annual Purim song. I used to have an annual tradition of ranting about the lack of good, original Purim songs, but I decided that a much more constructive use of my time would be to write the songs that we need and share them with the world.

The trick, of course, is to write a song that hasn't been written before. We don't need another song to teach us the story of Purim. We don't need another song to entice us to eat hamantachen. We don't even need another song that suggests that since it's Purim, we might want to, you know, get happy. We need songs that explore all of the other, forgotten themes of the holiday. Such as last year's song about partying with King Ahasuerus.

Of course, getting drunk has not nearly been explored nearly enough in the pantheon of Purim melodies. There is Az Di Rebbe Elimelech ("Elimelech of Gilhofen/Drank l'chaim once to often/Drank l'chaim and became a trifle gay..."). But other than that, it's an entirley unexplored terrain.

Until now.

I offer up to you, "I'm Gonna Drink Till I Can't Tell Haman From Mordechai." This rockabilly song is possibly the only place in the world that you will find the phrase, "I'm hangin' like a tallis in the breeze." Why? Because someone had to write it. And everyone ELSE was apparently out that day.

I've posted the lyrics below, because my Microsoft home mixing capabilities leave something to be desired (to put it mildly), and I want you to savor each brilliantly crafted line. Please feel free to rerecord this song and make your own video. Just please attach my name onto it as the songwriter. I'll even do the vocals for you. I'll even do it in costume. And, I might even let you choose the costume.


I'M GONNA DRINK TILL I CAN'T TELL HAMAN FROM MORDECHAI

I lost my baby, the other night
I don’t know why but we got in a wicked fight
Now my honey is not my honey anymore
Now it’s Purim, I’m all alone
I couldn’t even call her on the telephone
And I lost it, when I lost her out the door.
I’m a regular court jester
I’m a king without his Esther
The only mask I wear is a mask of shame
So now I twirl a grogger
While pouring back a lager
And burying my head in a pile of blame

I’m gonna weep
I’m gonna sigh
I’m gonna sleep
I’m gonna cry
I’m gonna drink Manischewitz and tequila with a bottle of rye

The days of Purim
I can’t endur’em
They make me shudder
And make me squirm
I’m gonna drink till I can’t tell Haman from Mordechai

I lost my baby, the other day
Now I don’t know what to do or what to think or say
And I’m hanging like a tallis in the breeze
I tried to reason, I tried to beg
I tried to sing her songs of passion on a bended leg
But my action just bought me achy knees
My life is full of sorrow
I fear there’s no tomorrow
My holiday will never be the same
‘Cause when she starts the blamin’
She treats me like I’m haman
She stomps and screams and tries to erase my name

I’m gonna weep
I’m gonna sigh
I’m gonna sleep
I’m gonna cry
I’m gonna drink Manischewitz and tequila with a bottle of rye

The days of Purim
I can’t endur’em
They make me shudder
And make me squirm
I’m gonna drink till I can’t tell Haman from Mordechai

I’m gonna weep
I’m gonna sigh
I’m gonna sleep
I’m gonna cry
I’m gonna drink Mogen David and tequila with a bottle of rye

The days of Purim
I can’t endur’em
They make me shudder
And make me squirm
I’m gonna drink till I can’t tell Haman from Mordechai